This post is primarily about my spirituality, though like all aspects of my life it ties in with transsexuality.
My readers not interested in this aspect of my life may want to skip this post.
It is the night of the full moon again, the first one since what feels like ages. Prior to beginning this blog I tried praying to the full moon. I've had spirituality dying and rising in me lately. I thought my prayers or spells did nothing. My time for mischief certainly seems to be over.
I read online on a Wiccan website (call me a "fluff bunny" I do not care, I shall explore the occult at my own leisurely pace) that the full moon is a time of cleansing. A simple example of a full moon ritual was to write down things I want to be cleansed of, so I thought it'd be worth a try. On the beginning of the list was "maleness" and "my male body..." I felt a strange guilt in this but perhaps that was the old Catholicism coming back to haunt me. It told me that such things do not belong in a "pure" ritual, and that I was being greedy. But this part of my life troubles me more than any other, this maleness. I also included other more "down-to-earth" things like fear, bad habits, and apprehension that prevents me from moving forward in my life.
It was shortly after that I stopped believing, but then shortly after that, that I was taken to the crisis center, which began this whole turning point which MIGHT lead to my transition. Am I making progress? Did my attempts to communicate with astral beings have any effect on that progress? I have no idea, but tonight the full moon is out again, and I shall try once more. If praying on the night of the full moon every night will turn me into a girl, I will do it. If its just "hocus-pocus" I'm not really hurting anything...
But of course tonight the sky is full of smoke and the moon is completely hidden. Will this curse me instead, or am I already cursed anyways?
This isn't fiction per say but I wonder if my imagination is getting the better of me...