Oops I already used the T word.
At any rate before I get started, I'm gonna babble a little bit. First off, thanks for your support everyone who commented on my previous post. I feel like I can finally move on now that I got that off my chest, and forget about stupid labels by transsexual women, trying to elevate themselves above other transsexual women. Secondly, new pics coming soon! I keep meaning to update but I'm at my parents house and my pics of me are at home. Also new blog! http://myemptyvessel.blogspot.com/ this is where I'm gonna be recording all my spiritual hocus-pocus from now on.
So on to the topic at hand. I've noticed in myself, that I've felt comfortable... maybe a bit too comfortable with the transsexual label. I remember during the life as a straight man, I always felt out of place in a straight world full of straight people, and left out of the LGBT community. I knew I was the L and the T, but I just didn't FEEL it. Now that I'm transitioning, I'm starting to worry that I take, perhaps a bit too much pride in being trans. I'm fairly open about it, most of my friends know, and I am not a member of any online communities, unless you count FFXI, that don't know about my transsexual status.
But it's not just the fact that I'm open about it, it's the fact that I often feel compelled to talk about it and bring it up. This probably comes from the time I spent longing to transition, and longing to free myself of my fleshy bonds, and longing to feel like anything other than a straight man. I could not convince myself I was a girl, so transsexual was all I could give myself. When I compare how strongly identify with transsexual, to lesbian, it's fairly plain to observe. I'm definitely proud of being a lesbian, but it's not big issue in my life. Not a day goes by when I don't think about the fact that I'm a ts, I'm a tranny, I'm transsexual. I need to let go of this complex. I'm Sara. Transsexuality is a part of my life, it is a part of my experience, and a part of what shaped me into who I am, sure, but it is not, who I am.
My second thought, is regarding the T-word. Tranny. I remember at a group meeting for transsexuals, at night, a ftm talked about how offensive and stupid sounding it is that we go around calling each other tranny. I call myself tranny all the time, but it IS a derogatory slur. One way of thinking is that it's reclaimation of the word, and a change of its meaning, its use, its ability to hurt. I can see this, being called a tranny is not really offensive to me. Conversely, I have a friend who is a Rroma, a culture most often mislabeled by the racial slur "Gypsy." She has renounced the use of this word, and I've stopped using it, except within quotations, to explain the fact that it is, in fact, a racial slur. But these two terms have entirely different circumstance. The G word has fallen into such wide use, that I'd never heard the term Rroma in my life till recently.
Tranny has not taken over the more polite labels within the trans community, and people meaning to use the word as an insult, will find themselves a tad disarmed. Conversely using it like this, encourages other people to use it, and some people use the term because they simply don't know any others, are we starting down the path towards the G word situation? And people meaning to be degrading, need only to substitute any number of terms at their disposal, trap, shemale, ladyboy, transgenderist.
At any rate what do you guys think of my new template. I decided to use the dark colors for my spiritual blog, to represent my emphasis towards mysteries, but it does kinda look like I'm stereotyping witches doesn't it?
7 comments:
Each of us takes her own transition path, but often there are commonalities. One, I think, is a period when we strongly identify as trans. This might not just be a phase for some, but it was for me. I wanted to talk about it all the time. Some people were even interested. I always had my blog to write in.
But after some number of months, especially living full time, my identification is much more strongly as woman rather than trans. I'm a trans woman, of course, and I always will be, but it feels more like something I came through than something that's my everyday reality. And most people don't care how I got here.
You'll just have to see how things go for you. :)
As for the word tranny, I don't use it except in jest and then probably only among other trans women. For me, "tranny" tends to be a word that people use for "drag queen" or "transvestite." That ain't me, babe. I have no desire to "reclaim" the word, because I don't think it's mine to claim in the first place. It means someone other than me.
Same with those other words you listed. They aren't me. I'm not interested in reclaiming any of them, and if someone calls me one of those, I can be pretty sure they're being insulting.
Again, that's just me. Others might disagree.
I appreciate the black type on white background. :)
I know of one transwoman who has embraced the word trap. In her scocial group the word had a positive contination(I only know her online and live a couple of states away so I have no first hand experiance with the social customs in her area but I don't believe she was lying or being a troll.
I was witness to the argument that erupted when she used it to describe herself. Words were said, lines drawn and eventually friends were unfriended.
After much thought, I realized this: Everyone should have the right to chose to refer to themselves however they want to be referred to as but you do not have the right to chose for them. Had those involved followed this they would have said, "Hmm, I don't like to use that word for myself but that is how you want to refer to yourself." I know the problem with this is that someone will see her refer to herself as a trap and then call another transperson a trap, which may cause insult.
How do we prevent this? Well, if everyone(when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE in the world) followed this guideline of only referring to people with words they have used then racial, gender, sexist, and all types of slurs would disappear. How can you insult someone if you only call them by the words they chose.
Sorry I got a little long winded there:).
As for the template of your other blog I'd like to think the black (darkness) is symbolic of your starting place. You are in the dark looking for knowledge of the spiritual world around you.
Anyways hugs and goodnight.
Gillian
@Gillian: The "trap" and I remain friends, even though we disagree about that word. I know what the word means, and it doesn't describe me. I don't think it describes her either, but that's her business.
@Véronique: I hope you don't think my comment was directed at you or that I was referring to you in anyway. When I posted my comment I saw you had post yours just moments before. I was using that incident for illustrative purposes only.
Well color me clueless in an odd sort of way. I know the difference between Gypsy and Roma, but I have no idea what a "Trap" is other than something you set to catch someone, or something else.
Many woemn with our background spend much time talking about it when they get started, you're right, it's the newness, the freedom and so forth. So totally understandable. In fact when I first started my sister who was expecting it pulled me aside at one point and said she was pleased that I wasn't stuck on the all tranny all the time channel. For me it wasn't a big deal I had so many other things I was dealing with. Eventually, you'll move past it, no worries.
I don't use terms or labels, and personally think no good can come of it because it is a tool of exclusion and bigotry. Reclaiming never works, at least from what I have ever seen.
I love the new template, it looks great and shows so much growth on your part. Awesome Sara, rock on! I'll have to go looik at the new blog too, especially given that I'm something of a witch myself.
Hang in there and don't let the labels get you down.
hehe, I see some things have happened in another social circle. I think the t word has become just a habit. The clinic I go to has a lot of girls that go around calling each other tranny, I think I just kind of picked up on it. I don't really make common use of the other terms, as those are especially not my style, but somehow tranny I sort of got used to, and its offensiveness started to dwindle. I just used it twice, admittedly it was the topic of conversation, but I didn't give it much thought. hah! and Samantha I just saw your comment pop up on my email notifier, while typing this comment.
@Gillian: Maybe you were speaking about a different situation, but I went through something very similar. That's all I was saying. :)
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