Hi boys and girls! lets talk about sex!
This post contains mature information about sexuality, specifically my own. I'm currently not sure if I have to put some kind of 18 plus flag on this blog because of it, or if I should have to re-word it. I feel like the majority of information in my blog should be available to anyone.
I'm in a pretty bad mood when this topic comes into my mind, because it's something I've been fighting with myself about for a long time. Please excuse the frustration, sarcasm and bitterness of this post. In all honesty, I'm really really angry.
Let's start with the basics. Autogynephilia. The theory of autogynephilia was brought on in response to the idea that transsexuals were human beings, deserving respect. This theory suggests that transsexuals or at least transsexual lesbians are perverts, who want to enjoy their own female bodies, instead of someone elses. Us narcisistic "shemales" lust so intensely over the idea of becoming women that we take medicine to alter our bodies. Nevermind the notion that gender dysphoria in males would cause this to be a regretful and painful decision. Nevermind that sexuality is different for all of us. We're transgenderists, not transsexuals, know the difference.
I'm guilty of autogynephilia. I admit it. I have, on occasion, become sexually aroused by the thought of reaching my status of womanhood. I'm guilty of getting the occasional arousal out of the changes that my body has made due to hormone therapy. My first experimentation with being female, was in a sexual role playing situation. Most of all, I'M TIRED OF QUESTIONING MY VALIDITY AS A WOMAN BECAUSE OF IT! Autogynephilia has never been my reason for transitioning, I've cried, contemplated suicide, gone into deep bouts of self loathing over my identity, even during my transition. Because of womanhood I'm finally comfortable in my own skin, I'm finally free and happy. I'm finally able to enjoy real life without pretending I'm someone else, but because I've experienced moments of autogynephilia I'm not a real woman. I'm a transgenderist. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of doubting my identity, not because I'm conflicted about what I want to be known as, or because I have any reason to change my mind about being a woman, but because my sexuality makes womanhood NOT OKAY.
I am a lesbian. I'm attracted to other women. My gender identity and my sexual orientation take me in the same direction, so is it really THAT ABSURD to think that maybe, just maybe, the lines between the two get blurred? Am I guilty of some crime against womanhood? Am I a narcissistic pervert over a side effect that occurs maybe once in a few months, for less than a few minutes? I rarely look at myself in the mirror, and when I do most of the time, I think I look pretty damn disgusting actually. Even when I don't it's hardly ever sexual, I'd much rather look at another woman, than at myself.
Now, we've covered the basics, let's move on to our next closely related topic. Transvestitic fetishism. Transvestitic fetishism is the notion of sexual arousal derived from decieving people into believing you are a woman, while being a man. Clearly being a man means having a penis and wanting it, so if any woman is conflicted about sex reassingment surgery, and may deside to keep their penis for any reasons non medical, such as, gods forbid, actually enjoying it during sex.
I enjoy the idea of penetrating other women. God forbid I make the most of what I have for the time being. I prefer a partner who enjoys this as well, must mean a tranny chaser, and not someone who just enjoys my unique sexuality. I'm offended by this too, because people forget that there might be something in between tranny chasers and people who see me as a cisgendered women. I DO NOT WISH TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE COMPARING MYSELF TO A CISGENDERED WOMAN. Lastly, I'm exited by the idea of a woman who has a penis and is comfortable with it. (do you know how difficult this is for me to confess to the whole internet? do you know how many of my friends read this?) It's not because its dirty, seedy, or naughty, its because its unique, different. But I thought men had that fetish, so this must make me a man, with transvestitic fetishism... even if I prefer to look at said women, as just women, with a unique sexuality, and loathe the swath of stereotypes, gender ristrictions, and degradations associated with it. NEVERMIND it might be just my sexual attractions, and that my gender identity might be no less valid.
Incidently I'm actually conflicted about sex reassignment surgery. I'm more or less between just getting an orchiectomy and getting the whole thing. I'm about 100% sure I want an orchiectomy, but I don't know the medical, benifits, vs risks in getting only an orchiectomy. I've heard sex reassignment surgery has a 50% chance of abolishing all feeling in the sexual organs and this is why I'm leaning against having a complete sex reassignment surgery. Outside of sex, I'm quite uncomfortable with my sex organs, and am certain I'd be content with a vagina. If I was born a cisgendered woman, I'd probably be the type to have fleeting "penis" fantasies, but nothing worth doing drastic changes to my body.
My bottom line, is that the term transgenderist, and dehuminization of autogynephilia from WITHIN THE TRANS COMMUNITY, is unecessary, and hurtful. We have the term androgyne already to describe persons who fall between the binary of male and female, and this term, is respectful because IT ALLOWS PEOPLE TO KEEP THEIR SEXUALITY PRIVATE. We have acknowledged that the majority of trans persons do not experience autogynephilia. What every source, every place of acceptance, ever thought pattern on the internet fails to recognize, is people like me, who have been hurt, and have spent many nights crying about this term. Call me a pervert, a sicko, call me disgusting, call me an animal. But don't you dare call me a man, an androgyne, or anything other than a woman.
THIS IS WAR ON THE TERM TRANSGENDERIST. I BEG YOU AND IMPLORE YOU TO CORRECT ANYONE WHO USES THIS TERM STARTING TONIGHT.