A few days ago, a friend I've met at the clinic said something that struck me. She said, that transgender people, particularly transgender women, have developed, a sort of "culture of victims" as she put it.... That sounds harsh, and i didn't like how she put it... but it's true. Victim hood has become a part of our lives, especially male to female trans women. It's not entirely our fault. We didn't ask to be stereotyped and marginalized and treated like trash. But look at myself, I actually felt guilty for having it easier.
I felt guilty for not being forced on the streets, homeless, selling myself or selling drugs. I felt guilty for not being beaten or raped, for not being completely abandoned by my family. I felt guilty for getting money through social security and getting help. Why? Because other transsexuals have it the way I didn't. I still feel guilty about this, actually, but when I think about it, this mindset is something we need to get ourselves out of.
In a more negative fashion, some girls who have had it rough, I've heard look down on others for not going through the same punishment they did. They haven't had the proper hard-knock life it takes to EARN your way to womanhood in this modern day society. I guess I can understand this mentality too, as perhaps, subconsciously, without even realizing it, I've been guilty of it, feeling some kind of jealousy towards girls who've had it easier than I.
This mentality needs to stop. We are women, we are men, we are born in the wrong body. Being transsexual means we have a medical condition, that effects us in psychological ways. We are not our condition, we are not our past, we are individuals. We don't deserve to be tortured and raped and ridiculed to acquire the same birthright that other people take for granted, but the only way to stop this mentality from spreading is to talk about it and understand why its happening.
I made a poll for my blog because I want to know who my readers are. I know a number of my trans sisters, are reading this and showing their support, and I also know that a number of friends I've made throughout my journey have done so too, and I thank you all and hope you'll keep reading. But I'm hoping this reaches out to someone who's not trans, or who is and is feeling hopelessness as I used to feel. If this blog changes at least one person, I'll feel its a success. If my struggle, or maybe in the future, the struggles of others I can connect you with, can change at least one person's way of thinking, maybe transsexualism, will eventually, just be a condition. So I want to hear from non trans people, I want to know what they think, what they believe, and if anything I've said so far changes anything. Please don't think I don't appreciate the support of my fellow trans women however, as sometimes your comments have really helped me get through a lot of this.
2 comments:
Awesome post Sara! There's no reason for you to feel guilty, you did not do anything wrong. But I do love the picture you've painted here in it's harsh but real view of things. I was just swapping mail with a friend who started transition before I did and is still the poor tortured tranny. I wrote:
"You assume that everyone is going to know you used to be a man and they are going to hate you and make your life a living hell. Then you're hurt when they do.
I assume that everyone is going to see and know I'm a woman and they'll like me. Then I'm not at all disappointed or surprised when they do. Only time I really think about it is when you send me your longer suffering miserable tranny messages."
It came to me after I read was has to be the thousandth poor victimized tranny message from her.
You on the other hand have had your own share of problems my dear, but you're doing great! Enjoy being you, you've earned it!
Considering what you're going through, it's hard to believe you feel guilty for having it too good! You've had more than your share of problems. Just because you're not on the street, not working in the sex trade, not beat up and abused, doesn't mean you have it great or should feel guilty about not suffering those wrongs. You are working through some serious difficulties. Give yourself some credit!
I, on the other hand, have had it easy, and I have never felt like a victim. I can't do anything about that. I can't make my life more difficult. I'm sorry for women who don't have the advantages I have, but I won't change their lives by giving up my own advantages. It's not fair, but then life isn't either. So I do what I can to help those who need a hand. It's the least I can do, and it's not enough.
I think it has a lot to do with money, whether you have it and the means to get it, or you don't. The poor are marginalized everywhere. It's just worse if you're poor and trans.
It's no good, however, to settle for being a victim. You have to be proud of yourself and do whatever you can to improve your circumstances. That's what I see you doing.
I've been following your blog since you first started to write it. You've grown amazingly in such a short time. You have persevered through plenty of adversity of your own, and matured as you did. I'm very proud of you.
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