Monday, February 25, 2008

I'm sorry

Today I owe some people who have been reading my blog an apology. I'm still sitting at home writing this. My parents have changed their minds several times on whether to kick me out or not. When I began my last post I honestly believed they were going to go through with it, but that's an excuse I suppose for jumping to conclusions. They changed their mind again and again since them, and I can't help but feel a little guilty having received such regards and sympathy for an event that ultimately did not take place. I thank you all for caring, and I appreciate your support, and I am sorry for misleading you. At this time I cannot for my own sake forget the possibility that my parents may resort to kicking me out when I begin the treatment or afterward, but it hasn't happened yet and I do not know at this point if it will or will not. My goal is to transition and live life as myself whether it be here or in the shelter. I wanted to offer a story of hope and persevering strength, but this is more turning into a story of people throwing me a lifeline. My parents, while aggressively trying to make me "change my mind" are still willing to bring me to the doctor while we deal with my lack of transportation. I am getting insurance coverage for care most transsexual people have to pay for out of their own pockets. I cannot say I've endured in the worst of situations, not compared to what others like me have endured. Most of all I have support of people who I meet online, people who read this blog, and I thank you for that support.

1 comment:

Samantha Shanti said...

Hey you, don't feel bad. I KNOW what it's like to be on a hair trigger with my folks. For the better part of four years before it finally happened, my father would threaten to throw me out almost every day. I wasn't even transitioning then (GOD HOW I WISHED I HAD!) but he was still treating me like crap.

See I made the mistake of asking them to take me to the doctor when I was five to get my girl bits, because this wasn't right. Yeah, that's when my father started regularly and systematically abusing me. On top of this list was the constant threats to throw me out. I lived in constant fear.

I know what that feels like. I hadn't been back to your site in a while because you'd not made any updates. I have worried and hoped you were someplace safe. I'm not going to judge you for being in honest pain and fear. I don't think there was anything wrong with what you did, nothing, so rest easy on that regard. I also seriously doubt anyone else is going to hold it against you either.

Good to see you back at your blog. Hope things are getting better and better for you everyday!